lately things have been alright, i haven't really been too depressed, which is amazing. i haven't felt 'normal' for a sustained period of time since highschool. i don't get that full treat of being content or happy, but it's nice to evade misery for a while. all i've been feeling is intense displacement and anxiety. everywhere i am i want to be somewhere else, everything i do never seems enough to satisfy the void of discontent. i know a lot of my anxiety comes from the fact that within 4 months, i will be finished with my schooling and ready to start 'real life' which is kind of ridiculous. it makes me think so much further down the spectrum, and makes me feel like i'm supposed to be doing certain things, but i don't want to. the thought of having a house and a wife and kids is fucking terrifying. i never want to be settled like that, i never want to have such an empty definition of 'success.' i want to be everywhere all the time, but who knows what will happen. i just want to see new places, meet new people, learn new things, and maybe have a nice lady to go along with all of this. yes, that would be ideal, but the ideal situation thing has yet to visit my life.
on a totally irrelevant note: i noticed this a while ago, but it really bothers me now because of how frequently i hear it. whenever something shocking/lame happens, i hate it when people say "REALLY??!" or even worse "really??! REALLY?!?" it's annoying, and complete evidence how language degrades through stupid slang trends like this. it's bad enough that the news has to be written on a 6th grade comprehension level. i guess this isn't really a degradation, but it's just an annoying trend which correlates with the loss of language. i imagine the future people will just be speaking through acronyms and slang words that have no relevance to actual english language.
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