that shit makes your spinal fluid run backwards.

it's hard to determine if i want to post here or on el jay. blogspot is just so0O0o much cooler.
the show last night was fun. besides the house show part, i couldn't see anyone and shit kept going wrong. when i got there i couldn't see anyone and i sat kind of away from everyone and got a really huge budweiser box thrown at my head, and that sucked, and it hurt. then once i tried to go be social some girl spilled her entire beer on my lap. i just kept getting pissed off at that house. there was a bunch of weird bro kids from kissimmee and i still couldn't see anyone, i was kind of glad it got moved to black box. off with their heads was awesome, it made me really happy, and it felt like what a show should feel like, besides that really stupid fight. it was really shocking to me the whole time. it's been so long since i've heard the noise of fists pounding flesh and bottles smacking against skulls. it kind of made me feel sick, because the kids are such fucking idiots. i guess that kind of should be expected. kind of. i guess i just have more hope for kids involved in a particular music scene, but it's not like it hasn't been proven wrong before.

being heartbroken sucks. a lot. i hate how consuming it is, because i can't ignore it or make it any less worse. maybe the more i write in a diary about it, the better it will feel. or maybe i should write a song, that's the normal thing to do, right? acoustic of course. jushkiddin. things aren't so bad, my heart hurts, but things could be worse. i'm thankful for what i have.
optimism? from vivek? weeirddd.

"When you're young, not much matters. When you find something that you care about, then that's all you got." - wise words from telly, i'll only keep part of the quote because the full version is kind of sick and the full thing is in a totally different context because he's an asshole liar creep with aids.



someone go skateboarding with me.