sowing the seeds of discontent

it's pretty disheartening to be in a point in your life where absolutely nothing is the way you'd like it to be. outside of the fact that there will be days that are amazing, moments that i'll never forget, and times i'm overloaded with happiness; i really never thought being this age would entail so much depression- it always seemed like this would be the highlighted time. although, i'm sure most of this has to do with my own stance on things, but i'm not even sure i really have a stance anymore. i've reached this point of intense nihilism toward most everything. like there's no emotion in my body, there's no spark there. it's just an empty vessel. i wish i could figure out how to let other things make me happy. i've realized that when i'm happy it's generally because my loneliness is fulfilled, but that's so trivial, and i know my discontent is beyond loneliness. i suppose the other things become easier to ignore when there's someone who makes you excited to wake up in the morning.