there's been a lot of introspection going on lately, and it's made me feel really shitty. i don't know why i've even been trying to go out, it's pretty much impossible for me to socialize at this point, but i think it's probably going to be good in the long run, i hope. all of this time has just made me realize what a waste the last few months have been. it feels awful to pour all of your heart into something and have it thrown away and forgotten about so quickly like it's nothing.
whatever, another wasted effort in my life, not surprising. soon it will be gone, and forgotten about forever, and it will be like none of this ever happened. it just makes me sick that this is how the story ends.